I AM IRREPLACEABLE
I am a 31yr old child birth educator. In a class filled with expecting parents today, one of the first time-around 5months expecting mother just got up to ask, “If this child grows beyond what can fit in my belly, how it will fit inside? How will I deliver the baby?” Seeing heads nodding, felt as if most others had these questions.
I answered, “Do you believe god is intelligent?” A gentle laughter spread across as they communicated a ‘yes’ through their body language. ‘As god is intelligent, he plans enough before he gifts you with an angel in the womb. A child for whom your womb is the best place and a perfect place to grow will only enter. The very fact god gave you this child means, he believes you have an ability to deliver and parent this child in right way. That’s why babies come in different size and shape. Each baby is customised separately’ Discussion was over with an exchange of smile around.
On my way back home after class, those questions kept lingering. In fact it took me to my childhood.
Why I am me?
How can I grow in my mother’s tummy?
How did I fit there?
How was I born?
Why am I a girl?
Why do I look like this?
Why do I have straight hair?
As a child, I have asked these questions to my parents. And a standard answer I received from my parents was, “we were praying in the Ganesh temple and asking for a child so lord Ganesha gifted you to us and you were descended from sky and we found you in our arms.” They thought they gave me clarity. Actually at that age it created lot of confusion. In spite of having all these questions in mind I could never ask due to fear of being scolded.
Every time i pray to lord Ganesha it made me feel he is the one who makes babies sitting somewhere. Still feeling perplexed with questions, like who specified my features? Who specified my gender? Where is his manufacturing unit? I portrayed to be now cleared with my doubts. It’s not that my parents are follower of Ganesha, I think when I asked whichever god came to their mind first they picked up.
In fact these anecdotes from my life still bring smile on my face. As I grew and studied medical science I understood the science of conception, birth etc. Around my graduation one of the days sitting in the growth class my teacher shared: You are unique. You are only one of its kind. In the entire history of humanity and future there is no one like you and there will be no one like you.
“Is it?” my eyes sparkled out of joy. Child within me popped, ‘That means when lord Ganesha designed me, he has kept it in mind that I am irreplaceable. I can be only me.’ I was actually living by outgrowing my childhood but not the child within me. And my science graduated adult mind agreed saying, “each individual is unique as they have individual DNA compositions and combination, even twins will not have same hand print and foot print.”
Still on the way, by this time I reached half way through? Today I was so happy that my house is 22 km away from classroom where I teach. Today I did not feel too much traffic or that my car is moving slowly. All looks perfect in sync. As I got time to think about myself with a new eye.
With an ecstatic feeling I hooked on to my thoughts. Then if so much is unique that means god has worked so much to make me as me. Oh! That means I carry a responsibility to live up to beginning of my being. So the very way I live should be so unique. Do I want to live feeling, “Shrreya if you don’t do it we will get it done from someone else or its Shrreya the way you do it, no one will be able to do it”. At hospitals where I take classes, can my seniors say, we are so happy that we got the awesome person to conduct these classes. Can my every student say, ‘You will always have a permanent place in our memories as a teacher who could connect so well?’ God has left his mark within my heart and soul, I will do things in such a way that I leave a mark behind.
As a parent I understand that my kids are unique in all possible ways. so there is no place for comparison. I will see to it that my kids have inspirations in life to learn from them but not to copy someone to be like someone for recognition, appreciation or just to have approval from society,’you are a good girl’ or ‘log kya bolenge.’
so many times I hear this around –
“See that other friend of yours is such a good girl.”
” See that child is so focused, why you cant even sit at one place.”
“Why being a boy you are crying like a girl.”
“You should do pooja and prayer everyday so that Dadi will feel happy.”
“What people will think, you don’t even know how to say a poem.”
“If you say sorry mumma will give you chocolate.”
“Don’t roam around in the house without proper cloths, what people will think.”
I will shift my vocabulary from’,’don’t jump on sofa what guest will think’ to ‘if you jump like this person who created sofa has informed springs might get loose.’If you don’t touch guests feet, they will think you don’t have manners,’ to ‘this is one of the ways to welcome and showing respect to guest that’s been followed in our family.’ I can always explain the reason behind action. If given reason feels genuine to their heart then they will follow things whole heartedly. Actually I realized I use it in few areas already though not consciously. I never tell my child,’you should wash properly once you are done with potty so that people will feel you are a clean girl,”you should brush properly for others.’ Actually for all day to day habits I keep telling them that it will do good to you.
My focus will not be to tell them how good or bad the other person will comment about them. I will keep my focus on making them understand you should be best possible you, with believes and clarity about -why I am doing this.. I still remember once my elder daughter Siya asked me with all her innocence at age 4,”why my skin color is dusky like you and not fair like papa. Why relatives say,’ I look like you and not like papa’.” I answered her at that time as,”god loved creating you like this.” As I am writing this I exactly know what to answer,”hey my little one!God was believing that’s best you. you are not like anyone. You are best Siya.”
Its exactly what my teacher explains- I am a masterpiece, my masters piece.
I am irreplaceable in every way. As a mother, as a wife, as a professional,as a student and also as a person in gods kingdom, the way I am created, the way I look. So I will see to it that the way I lead my life-play my roles will be irreplaceable. Loving you lord Ganesha for creating me as ME.