I See You!

Am I Doing Justice to My Kids as a Mother?

The Questions That Keep Us Awake

• Am I doing justice to my kids as a mother?
• Are my kids standing strong compared to other kids?
• When should I actually start working again?
• Should I quit my work and stay at home to take care of my child?
• What’s the point in feeling guilty every day when I’m back from work?

As a working mother or even as a homemaker, have you entertained a few of these questions? Have you gone to sleep thinking, “I could have done better”? Or have you slept thinking, “No yaar! It’s just not happening right”? Have you been confused?

My Story: –
I am Shrreya Shah, mother of two kids—13 and 10 years old. I am the founder of Dvija. Even I have gone through some of these questions. I hear most of these questions from mothers who come to me for counselling. I’m sharing my experience here. It might help you.

What I’ve Discovered: –
I love exploration in parenting, which makes me feel beautiful and satisfied as a person first. I can never give what I don’t possess. I have to feel energetic, happy, peaceful, positive, and patient to transfer these qualities to my kids.

I don’t want to be an instruction manual for them. I want to be a menu card with loads of options available and a bottom line printed in bold: “CUSTOMIZED MENU IS AVAILABLE ACCORDING TO CHILD’S NEED.”

It can be achieved with a few simple techniques. Whether you are a homemaker or a working mother, these are for you:

1. Filter Your Words Before They Escape: –

I will filter my thoughts before they come out as words from my mouth. What am I doing to my child when I say things like:

• Have you lost your mind?
• Don’t you understand this much?
• Don’t test my patience.

I have to ask myself, “What will the other person think of whatever I say?” This holds true for everyone I come into contact with, including newborns.

2. Remember: They Learn What They See: –

They say kids eat with their eyes. Yes! They learn too from their eyes.

• I read—they read.
• I get angry when things are not happening my way—they will do the same.
• I hit when I get frustrated—they will do the same.

Actions speak louder than words, always.

3. Prioritising quality over quantity: –

My top priority will be to spend time with my kids. They would rather spend an hour with an engaged and active mother than four hours with a remote one. Being there alone is insufficient! Let’s converse, play, argue, and Masti. Children learn more from their emotions and experiences when they are near you.

4. Believe in Their Potential: –

It’s my responsibility as a mother to believe my child will make it very big in life. That belief itself becomes their foundation.

5. Transform Guilt into Solutions: –

Me carrying guilt that my kids are full day at daycare and once back home they’re involved with gadgets will not help me find solutions. Rather, I should think: How can I make evening time super interactive for both of us?
For example:

• We can involve them in cooking.
• We can get involved in their television time.
• We can create evening rituals they look forward to

6. Stop the Comparison Game: –

I will not think I am only a weekend parent and compare my parenting time with someone who is available full-time.

7. Build Your Family Team: –

Actually, they say Together Everyone Achieves More—that makes a team strong. I, as a mother, will work on us four being a team to celebrate together, achieve together, be naughty together, and also pray together. Yes, I too love to burst those water bubbles created by my kids and count who bursts more!

8. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate: –

Talk to them about my feelings, emotions, failures, successes, and stress. Find solutions together for balancing things. I am surprised—they are awesome team players!

A Story from My Daughter:

Once I asked my 13-year-old, “How do you handle it if someone doesn’t behave the way you expected?”

She said, “Simple, Mumma, communicate. See, I don’t like my school friend Shourya talking and playing with another friend when I am around. So, I called for a meeting during short break among my friends and discussed. We could find a solution. With mutual understanding, we decided on time slots—who will play with whom.”

I actually laughed at her innocence as I realized what she said was true: communicating with the person is the best solution.

The Truth We All Need to Hear:
After all the experiences, this line is true for every family:
“I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”
When I share my feelings with them, they will share their feelings with me. I, as a mother, will not live as a damsel in distress waiting for someone to rescue me. I will live ecstatically.

The Moments That Matter –
Whenever I ask my kids on my working day, “What will you do full day?” they both scream, “Co-operate!”

When my husband and I say this incomplete line, “We are happy…” my kids scream, “Family!”

It brings a smile of satisfaction and peace on my face.

My Message to You
I SEE YOU. I am seeing each one of you as a mother as a reflection of me. Let’s see our kids as a reflection of our response to them.
Let’s outgrow and experience Dvija in our life. Let’s be reborn as mothers.