Am I doing justice to my kids as a mother?
Are my kids standing strong compared to other kids?
When should I actually start working again?
Should I quit from my work and stay at home to take care of my child?
What’s the point in feeling guilty everyday when I am back from work?
As a working mother or even as a homemaker have you entertained few of these questions? Have you slept thinking I could have done better? Or you slept thinking,” no yaar! It’s just not happening right.” Have you felt perplexed?
I am a dvija mum! Shreya Shah, mother of two kids- 5.5 and 2.5 yr old. I am a founder of Dvija. Even I have gone through few of these questions. I hear most of these questions even from mothers who come to me for counselling.
Sharing my experience, it might help you.
I love exploration in parenting which makes me feel beautiful and satisfied as a person first. I can never give what I don’t possess. I have to feel energetic, happy, peaceful, positive and patient to transfer these qualities to my kids. I don’t want to be an instruction manual for them. I want to be a menu card with loads of options available and a bottom line printed in bold,” CUSTOMISED MENU IS AVAILABLE ACCORDING TO CHILD’S NEED.”
It can be achieved with few simple techniques. You can explore it you are a homemaker or a working mother, it’s for you.
- I will filter my thoughts before they come out as words from my mouth. What am I doing to my child when I say this- “Have you lost your mind.””Don’t you understand this much.””Don’t test my patience.” I must think ,’whatever I say, what it’s going to make other person feel’. It’s applicable to every person I interact even to a newborn.
- They say kids eat with their eyes, yup! they learn too from their eyes. I read-they read. I get angry when things are not happening my way-they will do the same. I hit when I get frustrated-they will do the same.
- Will focus on investing quality time with my kids. They prefer active and involved one hour over 4 hours of uninvolved mother. Just being around is not enough! Lets talk, discuss, play and do masti.
- Kids learn more through what they experience and what they feel in your presence.
- It’s my responsibility as mother to believe my child will make it very big in life.
- Me carrying guilt that my kids are full day at day care and once back home they are involve with gadgets will not help me to find solutions. Rather thinking how can I make evening time super interactive for both of us. eg. we can involve them in cooking, we can get involve in their television time etc.
- I will not think I am only weekend parent and compare my parenting time with someone who is available full time around.
- Actually they say Together Everyone Achieves More, that makes a team strong. I as a mother will work on being we four as team to celebrate together, achieve together, be naughty together and also pray together. Yes i too love to burst those water bubbles created by my kids and count who bursts more.
- Talk to them about my feelings, emotions, failures, success, stress. Find solutions together for balancing things. I am surprised they are awesome team players. Once i asked my 5.5 year old how do you handle if someone does not behave the way you expected?. She said,’ simple mumma, communicate. See I don’t like my school friend Shourya talking and playing with another friend when I am around. So i called for a meeting in short break among my friends and discussed. we could find a solution. With mutual understanding we decided time slots who will play with whom.” I actually laughed at her innocency as I realize what she said is truth communicating with person is the best solution.
- After all the experiences- the line is true for every family,”I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”
When I share my feelings with them even they will share their feelings with me. I as a mother will not live as damsel in distress waiting for someone to rescue me. I will live ecstatic. Whenever I ask my kids on my working day,”what you will do full day.” and they both will scream,”co-operate.”
when me and my husband say this incomplete line,”we are happy…” and my kids scream,”family.” It brings smile of satisfaction and peace on my face.
I SEE YOU. I am seeing each one of you as a mother as reflection of me. Let’s see our kids as a reflection of our response to them.
Let’s outgrow and experience dvija in our life, let’s reborn as a mother.
-a proud dvija mum!
Shrrey Shah