Understanding Beating, Born Out Of Temperament!!

Could feel that pain and tears rolling down. The fire surrounding was crushing my self-belief. Standing there still, I felt someone was slapping me.

I was at Gulmarg, Kashmir for family holidays. Suddenly I heard a thrush, a scream, loud crying, and beating. Went out to check what’s happening. There was a mother beating her 8 yr old son as he got lost in the crowded station.

Mother was so much in the sway of her emotions that she could not even see the fear her son had on his face, the insecurity that he might have gone through. I could see that child was pleading in front of his mother – “even I was searching for you; I don’t know how I got lost in the crowd.” Mother was talking constantly as she was beating her child,” Are you a fool, can’t you hold my hand tight!”

I realized mother was not able to handle her fear, insecurity, frustration and that resulted in beating. But as I come across many mothers as a counselor, I have not seen any mother feeling happy after beating her child.

Then is it mothers intentional act or it’s her temperament?

Temperament is the way a mother acts and responds to different situations where a child is involved.

Specifically, temperament from a parenting point of view refers to behavioral tendencies that are not due to child’s behavior or other early experiences. Rather they are present from birth and scientists believe sometimes it’s genetic.

So all of you parents understand, “we cannot change our temperament, we have to channelize it to positive behavior and actions.”

THIS IS DOABLE. Let’s understand few things which will help –

What beating will result in to?

• The child with low self-esteem!
• leaving a mother guilty!
• The end result cannot be achieved!
• Create rebel in the child!
• The child will inherit this from you!
• It will make them hide things from you!
• Dampen child’s enthusiasm!
• Uncooperative child!

How we can channelize emotions-

• Asking right questions-Don’t ask too many questions as if you are interrogating your child. Ask questions to understand why?
• Build confidence- use descriptive and positive appreciation towards your child to boost their confidence
• Full listening- give undivided attention when your child is talking.
• Stop comparing your child with other- Every child is unique and has its own ways to deal with situation
• Be patient- It will take time to change things
• Be kind but firm towards child and yourself- The tone and action both can be kept in control when you are kind and you understand
• Understand not to react to poor choices and minor mistakes- keep small things small.
• Use logical consequences- So rather than beating the child. Create logical and doable plan to get things right.
• Withdraw from conflict- If you feel your child is provoking you. Leave the room calmly conveying,” we will talk when you want to talk more respectfully.”
• Inform children ahead of time and then perform your actions

Dear all understand beating, slapping, and even verbal abuse are subtle forms of violence. Think for a moment the vision of a family that knows how to love each other, cares for each other and shares with each other. Let’s win cooperation and find solutions to challenges creatively without using violence. You as a parent will feel calm and happy